You're not anyone special to me ;; you're just a guy. so don't lead me on especially if it's a lie. So leave me alone like you've always done cause you hurt me too much to be the `right one`.
 
The last time that my heart was broke I thought that it was through. I swore I would never love again & believed that this was true. But then you walked into my life again & the second your eyes met mine I knew that you were worth loving just one last time.
 
Boys they like to play with things,
To see what makes them run,
But when it comes to kissing,
They do it just for fun.
Boys never give their hearts away
They play us girls for fools,
They wait untill we give our hearts
& then they play it cool
 
It's like breaking up is what i wanted all along..
my mind was right & my heart was wrong 
 
So, here I am again. ending yet another pathetic excuse for a relationship. & it always seems one things is always the same about it. I'm always the one who walks away from it all. Away from the person who always said he'd never let me go. Well, once again, I'm walking away..& once again, no one is stopping me.

dear mom & dad,
If it makes you happy, then I'm fine.
If it makes you sleep at night, I'm not suicidal.
If it helps you stay ignorant, the scars that lace my body
are not proof of how much self hatred boils inside me.
if it keeps you from abandoning me, I am not crazy.

I know what you're missing, & who you should be kissing & let me tell you, it's not her.

And when you start to miss her, oh please don’t forget me, don’t let us fade away….

Do you ever feel like you're working for something you're never going to get. You shoot and miss kind of deal. No matter what you can't have it, but that makes you fight for it just a little bit more?

If someone is too shallow to tell you something in front of your face, then you shouldn't pay attention to what they say behind your back.

Sometimes you feel like you're done waiting & holding on, but the other part says to keep going & hoping because there's still a chance for something like love. Either way makes you feel sick in the stomach. Constant headaches & uneasy emotions. It's like either way you lose. Or maybe gain..within time. But what about the time in between obsession & healing? I ask you.."how long will this last?" I'm wanting..but trying to avoid but that only makes matters worse. It's amazing how feelings are gone one moment & later, renewed by a simple song that reminds you of their voice, the way they make you smile. & you are completely clueless why. The way you look away once you realize they're staring back. & the hurt comes back all over again & you realize that you didn't let go. You just thought you did..

I swore I knew the melody that i heard you singing ;
& when you smiled you made me feel that i could sing a l o n g..
But then you went & changed the words, now my heart is empty <|3
I'm only left with used-to-be's & Once Upon a Song..

We lie to ourselves because the truth..the truth freakin hurts.

You used to be able to make me laugh
when I didn't even want to smile ;
when I had tears in my eyes
when I just wanted to be alone..

I remember every single word you said.. Okay?
I'm not naive & I'm not that stupid.
I've been broken before. I can deal.
I'm not scared of moving on with my life.
What I am scared of is that I'll realize somewhere
along the road you were my life.

Everyone watches her in jealousy. The way she gets the best grades, has perfect hair, & the nicest clothes to wear. She wears a smile played by a skilled actress. They stare in awe & wonder, "Who could ever be so perfect?" The truth is, she does it so he could see her at her best, but it turns out, he doesn't even care.

How can I sit here & trust every single person that walks into my life just as well as the others?
How can I hurt myself so much just so I don't hurt others?
How can I be so naive to the point where i'll believe anything & everything that people say?
How can I give people the benefit of the doubt & always get let down..

Staying home alone on a Friday flat on the floor looking back on old love..after all the crushes are faded & all my wishful thinking was wrong, I'm jaded, I hate it..I'm tired of being alone so hurry up & get here, searching all my days just to find you, I'm not sure who I'm looking for, I'll know it when I see you..until then, I'll hide in my bedroom staying up all night just to write a love song for no one..I could have met you in a sandbox, I could have passed you on the sidewalk, could I have missed my chance & watched you walk away?

& you wanna run but somehow you just keep on staying..can't decide on which way to go..

& so while this is completely against my beliefs, I'm going to let myself fall in love with you. Even though guys always seem to hurt me, I guess I have to take that chance. I mean if I didn't, I would probably just give up on love altogether & that has to be the saddest thing ever. So here I go again, I'm just praying this time, my heart won't end up breaking all over again. I'm all out of band-aids.

Behind all the lies is a girl trying to hide all the tears.

I've done the merry-go-round. I've been through the revolving doors. I feel like I've met somebody I can stand still with for a minute. & don't you want to stand still with me?

Forever is what we
should have had.
but you left me
& that's too bad.
cus we both went off
& found someone new
the funny thing is ;
now she left you.

If there is pain then let it be my pain,
for it will be easier to bear than the pain
I would feel in knowing that I had hurt you.

I pour out my soul as I tell you the truth & you just nod your head & smile its like something you can't explain its life making love in the rain its like a stranger who catches your eye its like telling the perfect lie its like a sunset walk on the beach its like the lecture you just can't teach its like finally finding your fate its like seeing the guy you hate

Sometimes you need to be hurt in order to grow,
fail in order to succeed, & lose in order to gain.
Some lessons can only be learned through pain.
..I just wish it didn't hurt so bad..

When I fell in love with you
my skull must have cracked
cus I lost all the sense I had
& I never looked back
I'm letting you hurt me & I don't know why
I think I lost my happiness too
cus all I now do is cry

& shes just a stupid little
girl with her hopes too high
& feelings much too strong
especially for a boy like him

i dont know why im even calling
i told myself im through with falling
right now, i should be running from these thoughts of you
but i cant, you're in my head..

You can tell a man `I hate you,`& you'll have the best sex of your life,
but tell him, `I love you` & you'll probably never see him again.

& I just want to know what's going on between you & her,
cus I'm preparing my heart to be broken, &
getting ready to move on but I just need to know..do I have to?

& I know I should move on, I have to..
Its just I don't think I’m ready for this

I'm trying to be ok with this, I know you deserve to be happy
& I know that I can't give that to you, but maybe she can
maybe she can make you smile, maybe she can make you laugh
maybe she can break my heart, maybe she can make me cry

Even if you & her are together, I guess that won't change us right?
We'll still be friends, We'll still laugh together..
We'll still smile at each other are friendship will still be there,
& we'll be ok..won’t we?

Liking you gives me comfort & I've been through so much lately
so I can't move on, not yet.. cus I could use some comfort in my life

As much as I want to see you, I'm scared.
Terrified of what you might say, & how much it might hurt

Listen to me. I'm talking to you. I know you can hear me. I'm done with you. I don't want you anymore. This..is..goodbye. Yes, I'm talking to you. Now let go of me & watch me walk away. But don't watch the tears falling from my eyes, & don't watch my heart as it shatters into a million pieces when it hits the floor. Don't pay attention to the fact that it's killing me to say goodbye. Just listen to the words passing through these lips, not the emotion in the voice saying them. I'm doing the best I can to forget about you, but when you keep following me, it makes it hard. How can I get over this broken heart when you're trying to piece it back together? That's my job. I'm supposed to do that. Not you. I can't get over you when you're holding on to my heart. I want that back now. You've had it long enough. It's time to give it back. Dammit, give it back so I can walk away like I did in my nightmares.

Love..Its not something you decide to feel, It not like..'oh he's cute, I'm gonna like him' Its just happens, one day you'll see him You've probably seen him many times before but for some reason this time is different, there's something there, something that you never realized before. You can't take your eyes off him, & you start to get this feeling in the pit of your stomach. It doesn't hurt but its like a sinking feeling & suddenly you feel like throwing up. But then again you'll like this feeling, cus the feeling you get once he leaves will be so much worse. It will be an indescribable pain, & you'll just feel empty inside. You'll begin to look for him where ever you go, start dreaming about him at night. Every love song that you here will make you think of him. Suddenly it will be harder to talk to him, & you won't understand why your words aren't coming out right. You'll start over analyzing everything you say to him, you'll think that every thing you say sounds stupid. But what ever he says to you will just be perfect. You seem him differently then everyone else, the room will light up when ever he walks in, & everything is always better when he's there..You'll find him someday, & the feeling will be amazing..I just hope that it works out better for you than it did for me, I hope he finds you to

LETTER T0 M0MMY ;;
my mommy found me in my room on the floor.
before I did this I put my `do not disturb` sign on my door
but now as she looks at me with blood flowing from my
wrist. she picks up a note that reads something like this.
Mom, I know I never told you, never showed it in my face
but i`ll tell you now, my life was a disgrace. I never planned
a future cus I knew my life would end & now as I write this,
you were my only friend. I never meant to hurt you, I never
meant to break your heart. just keep on living & we`ll never
be apart. tell daddy that I love him. tell sis & brother to be
brave & promise me this on my birthday, ever year put a rose
on my grave. I love you mommy, very much & when the
others cry, tell them I hated them all. each cut will tell them
why I must go now, mommy. death is calling my name. &
when you see me dead mommy, don't put the blame on yourself.
i'm picking up the knife right now mommy. these tears
 for you I cry I just made the first cut mommy,
I guess now i'll say goodbye.

Stay close enough to have fun
yet far enough not to get hurt
& when you start to fall for him again
just remember the crack on your heart
was left from him

I miss you.
You may never understand how much i miss you sometimes
but just remember that you are everything to me.
i know we aren't even together
but if you would ever walk away
i don't know how i would handle myself.
Everyday i look forward to when you are coming home
& when i get to see you. That is what keeps me going..
knowing that i am going to see you again.

there are things that you don't want to happen
but you have to accept
there are things you don't want to know
but you have to learn
& there are people you can't live without
but you have to let go

The saddest thing I ever saw was a memory

I don't see how people can go around falling in love again & again.
Once you fall in love with someone, your not supposed to fall out..

One of the scariest things is telling someone
"I love you more" & realizing your right

Maybe it was wrong, but upon my life, I will never regret loving him

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

We can't be together, you deserve someone so much better than me,
& you know it, & it kills me that you know it. I can't handle being in a
relationship..constantly scared that you're
going to find that someone who you deserve.

It's been too many nights of being with you to now be suddenly without.

Getting through life & growing up, you tend to get hurt & get your heart crushed.
But what you have to realize is that if God had intended you two to be together, He will find a way. But if you two don't end up together..that just means there is someone out there who is more perfect waiting for you.

i thought i could trust you
with all my secrets i shared
but you turned your back
& showed you never cared

When you're thirteen, bruises heal easily. Some of them anyway.
But that night I felt pain I knew wasn't going to go away

I opened my heart to you. I can't just stand around
like a fool, waiting for you to be ready.

She's lying on her bed staring at the ceiling
All the lights turned off, its 3 am
Headphones around her ears..dark feelings
Staring within & yet she lies there paralyzed
Uttering not a single word

look at her - as perfect
as can be. but it`s not
so perfect on the inside
as you cannot see. she
wants to get rid of the
hurt & lies. she wants
you to see behind this
[ p e r f e c t  d i s g u i s e ]

Keep it inside

Smile big, for everyone

Even when you know what they've done

You Don't Always Get The Dream House, But You Get Pretty Close

I've been trying not to love you, I've been putting up a fight. I've been barely holding on, & letting go with all my might. There's a part of me that's empty, I know only love can fill. I'm afraid I'll never fill it, & scared to death I will

As I lay in bed at night, all I can think about is you. Touching you, holding you, kissing you. Tears roll down my cheeks as I remember what we had. You were my first love, first kiss, first anything. What we had was something special. Nothing will ever change that. Now that you're gone, all I can do is lay in bed at night with tears rolling down my cheeks & remember.

I don't hate you for loving her nor do I hate her for receiving the love
I once had but I do hate you for pretending to never actually give a shit about me..

I know as long as you're happy I can get through this.
But it still kills me to see you with her..not cus she is
perfect for you, not cus she makes you smile, not cus she
is what you need, but cus I know that she deserves you
more than I do, & that pain is indescribable

Your scared..so I'm paying for it with my heart.

Tears are the silent lullaby that carries you to sleep..
heartaches that your soul just couldn't keep.

As she sits upon her window sill, she knows that love,
love is something she'll never feel..& her tears keep her company
& she dreams of how it would be as she cries.

They don't believe in me, no one believes in me.
They tell me I can't do it.
It's gonna be great when I prove them wrong

I don't understand how you can be so heartless considering you have mine.

I think about you more than I want to, I find myself at night
when trying to go to sleep my mind wanders off & I come to you..
Don't get me wrong, I've got a great boyfriend, I just wonder,
what would have happened if we were still together..

A little girl with a tear streaked face,
She doesn't belong in this awful place.

it takes a strong heart to love
but it takes an even stronger
heart to love after its been shattered

I'm mad at myself, not at you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, & most of all for not hating you, which I know I should but I can’t

Beautiful Girl with pretty eyes. A hidden heart of hurts & lies. She sits up in her bed at night & cries. It`s hard for her to realize love isn’t all weak in the knees & butterflies..I wish I could make you mine.

Let me ruin your life, let me break your heart, then I'll ask you why we can't be friends.
Let me rip your world into little pieces, let me destroy who you thought you were,
& then I'll ask if we can be friends

have you ever felt so sure & certain about something that you wake up every morning thinking today is the day its gonna happen; then all of the sudden, your hopes, your dreams, your wants, your desires, are taken away in a moment of needless uncertainty & confusion, & your left there, wondering what happened, & why you're alone

the hardest mile I ever walked was the one away from you